How do I love?

How do I love?

When I don’t know what love is

Because my formative years were

Mean words and meaner deeds.

 

How do I know love?

If I never received love

Since I was always a burden

Something to be disposed of.

 

Where was the love?

When I needed it the most

When I had nothing to give

You didn’t see me, I was a ghost.

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How do I recognise love?

When I only received its replica

But only to get a favour

Never without a cost attached.

 

How can I believe love?

That it’s real and not pretend

That it’s not waiting for a favour

Before I see its end.

 

How do I trust love?

When those who gave me no love

Now want to shower me with love

I’m now a blessing from above.

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Am I not good enough for love?

Do I repel its wily ways?

Its warm embraces, kind words

Seem to avoid me like the plague.

 

Love comes to me with one shoe

Flirting with my hopes and dreams

But I never trust its laughter

I wait for all to be revealed.

 

I’ve given up on the possibility

Of ever knowing or finding love

It’s that once-in-a-lifetime journey

But my ride’s already gone.

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For how do you teach one–grown

What is love and how to love

With a broken internal compass

That can’t discern below from above?

 

Maybe I’ve seen love

But I didn’t recognise love

Because I don’t know what love is

Or how to receive love.

 

Who will teach me how to love?

With all the love and care

That a dis-trusting soul needs

To be sure that love is there.

Copyright © Larisa McBean

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Categories: Hurt, Love, Pain, Poetry, self-discovery, Struggle

Tags: , , , ,

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