How do I love?
When I don’t know what love is
Because my formative years were
Mean words and meaner deeds.
How do I know love?
If I never received love
Since I was always a burden
Something to be disposed of.
Where was the love?
When I needed it the most
When I had nothing to give
You didn’t see me, I was a ghost.
How do I recognise love?
When I only received its replica
But only to get a favour
Never without a cost attached.
How can I believe love?
That it’s real and not pretend
That it’s not waiting for a favour
Before I see its end.
How do I trust love?
When those who gave me no love
Now want to shower me with love
I’m now a blessing from above.
Am I not good enough for love?
Do I repel its wily ways?
Its warm embraces, kind words
Seem to avoid me like the plague.
Love comes to me with one shoe
Flirting with my hopes and dreams
But I never trust its laughter
I wait for all to be revealed.
I’ve given up on the possibility
Of ever knowing or finding love
It’s that once-in-a-lifetime journey
But my ride’s already gone.
For how do you teach one–grown
What is love and how to love
With a broken internal compass
That can’t discern below from above?
Maybe I’ve seen love
But I didn’t recognise love
Because I don’t know what love is
Or how to receive love.
Who will teach me how to love?
With all the love and care
That a dis-trusting soul needs
To be sure that love is there.
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Copyright © Larisa McBean
LariMac 