There are those who are intent on taking something from you, but they have no intentions of giving anything in return. They will use their wiles to get you to lower your guard. And if you are on to them, they will lie to the very end. There are also those who may have good intentions, but their requests leave you feeling diminished in some way. Neither is healthy.
It is important that you protect your space, your time and your resources. Set boundaries and maintain them—do not lower your standards for how you are treated for anyone or any reason.
Now, this applies to everyone in your life—family, friends, lovers, acquaintances and colleagues—there is no exception. The boundaries that you set will protect you from those who have no boundaries. And you can rest assured that those without boundaries will do everything in their power to push yours.
Stand your ground.
Why is this important? It’s important because you have a duty of care to yourself—self care. Without boundaries, which includes not being able to say NO, you will become a people pleaser, catering to everyone’s wishes, even at the expense of your peace of mind. You can’t give from a depleted state, hence, filling up yourself first is integral to your very existence.
Is that being selfish? No. Setting boundaries is far from being selfish. That’s just the narrative that manipulators try to push to get you to do what they want, even when it doesn’t serve you in any way. ‘No’ can be the most important form of self care and empowerment, especially when you have that gut feeling that something’s just not right.
“But what’s wrong with people pleasing?” you may ask. Everything is wrong with people pleasing. You see, people pleasing is done from a place of fear—fear of rejection, fear of alienation, and fear of not measuring up or fitting in. It’s not the same as doing a kind deed or helping someone in need. Not at all. It’s more of ‘doing something or else’, and that type of energy is sure to poison anything good.
Don’t do it.
It is better to say yes only to a few requests that honour you and your life purpose, than to be a notorious ‘yes man’ for all the wrong reasons. You will find fulfillment in the few and have peace of mind, or you will be exhausted and still unable to really please the takers. It takes practice, especially if you’ve never been able to say ‘no’ before; but with time, it will come natural to you.
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©️ Larisa McBean